Absently Present
My Monologue:
The clean cut. The line of my jaw, perfectly smooth. (Pause) It didn't hurt, but I could feel each hair being tugged from its root as the blade glided over my skin. My manly skin. I'm no longer that 14 year old I was twenty-four hours ago. I'm a changed person. A man. (Pause) (Smile of reminiscence) My mother would nag "It's gonna grow back thicker" every time she was there when I picked up the razor. I put the razor back. But I finally managed to do it. However after a couple of times, pimples would appear on my freshly shaven face. It began to feel like I had tiny needles growing out of my skin. No matter how much I popped them, no matter how much I let them grow out and shaved again, the needles would find a way to push back out of the pores of my skin. I knew mum was right. I knew I should have listened. (Pause) But how could you blame me, when all a fourteen year old wants to do is feel the way an adult should? The smooth skin that is underneath the hairs on my face. (Pause. Ponder) Did you do this to me? I would ask myself that question every night. Were you the needles underneath my skin? How did you get so deep underneath my skin?
I like your version very much - creepy and evocative of the insecurity you feel when you are young but then I looked at the original and realised how close it was. The idea is to take the linguistic techniques to write about your own content. This shows a great deal of promise though!
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